First journal (about time).

So, stuff is really going down in the world, and I must ask myself: will gaming fit into my future? I've really wanted to go to FPS tournaments, but it seems more and more unlikely/unwise.

Actually, let me start over. I've always been a competitive gamer, ever since I had some semblance of maturity. Starting as early as Street Fighter, I just loved to compete and try to get better (sadly, the same train of thought never applied to school). Eventually I did go to tournaments for fighting games, and loved it. However, by the time I was doing this, I had a new, bigger passion: FPS. First Person goddamn Shooter. Starting with doom and exploding with quake, I couldn't get enough and I've been gaming the hardest with FPS ever since netquake. This is all well and fine, except for one nagging fact...

I've never been to an FPS event.

My fondest hobby, my most beloved past-time, and I've never really competed. Sure, I've been in tons of clans and leagues of varying skill, but they can't be anything compared to the main events. It's like the difference between playing a fighter on a console in your living room with friends, and playing it in an arcade with a hundred spectators watching and analyzing your every move against your opponent. Where one false move could cost you the entire tournament and make the crowd forget about you - compared to at home, where the same false move would do nothing more than make you give up the controller to whoever's next in line to play.

So, naturally, I've been planning to fix this problem with the new generation of games.

At first I was thinking Doom 3. And I really should've, because I was one of the better players - and the first-time tourney nervousness I was sure to experience probably wouldn't have made such a big impact in a "small peanuts" game like D3. But, I made up excuses not to go... too expensive, I'd never win... etc, etc. A week later, I'm sitting in my room watching Daler versus Fatal1ty on the most unbalanced map ever created, d3dm2, and they're both playing terribly. Cursing myself, I promised not to make the same mistake again. Except, of course, for the event next year under the same name, with the same exact kind of final. /me sighs, and smacks head against wall

So I really wanted to "put my foot down" with quake4. And it seemed the perfect game to do so for because... well, it looks fun! I hated doom 3 terribly (another excuse to get out of going to the tournaments). But quake4 looks awesome, and has the faster gameplay that I enjoy much more.

But, of course, as I'm planning all this and prepping myself, Nature decides to shake things up with a storm the likes we haven't seen in 13 years. To give you an idea of how much this hurricane will affect me personally, I work for my parents company - which hauls gas. We haul gas out of terminals that get all of their product from the refineries that were shut down. We've never let a station we deliver to run out of gas... but, my dad predicts every single station we're contracted for to go empty by tomorrow night. After I heard that, I realized that this is indeed what would be defined as "serious shit".

Already we can easily see the effects of it here in gas prices, and I don't think they're ever going to go away. Ideally (it's hard to say that), this will be a "wake up call" to the world to let everyone know that "hey - shit is going down, do something or die" - because that's the truth. Unfortunately, it isn't much fun for our generation to have to take the force of this full-on.

The speed of which this changes things is just insane, too. I had a trip planned to go to Rochester this weekend - not too far away, about 4 hours. But definately more than one tank of gas. But... if all the stations are out of gas, and panic sets in, how the hell am I going to get home if I get stuck out there? Pack some red canisters in the back seat?

On top of that, if this gas shortage lasts for long, the trucking industry (which is very fickle, and obviously very gas-based) will just buckle instantly. Which means stores not getting deliveries. Which means panic since this country relies entirely on the ability to "drive to a store and get what you want".

Thinking of all of this, it makes my concerns about a petty thing like computer gaming rather insignificant, but it's still something I would "like to do" (if liking something has any role in my future, that's to be decided). Before, like, last week, I had the mindset that - even though something like this would eventually happen, I'd still get some tourney time in, do something I've always wanted to, and be satisfied. But now, it seems as if I don't have any time left, and am left high and dry before I even get a chance.

So, the real questions are, are my concerns valid? Or are they just more excuses to get out of breaking my FPS-tourney cherry? Or, is it extremely selfish that I'm even considering this as a possibility with the possible emergency at hand?

At least we have a few more weeks before quake 4 to see the situation mature a bit, whether be it for good or ill.


On a random, unrelated note - if you want a good, small book to read, go pick up Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson.

oh, and I just beat Lumines challenge mode a couple hours ago... woot.