![shaftwhores only by [EXE]dann](/files/avatars/2007/51852-shaftwhore.gif "shaftwhores only by [EXE]dann"){kind=small}
Today my dear cyber friends, spammers, and other folk, I would like to introduce you to a novel new concept to esport. To hell with counterstrike 1.6, counterstrike source, Quake 1-2-3-4, Doom 1-2-3, UT (2K whatever the year), more recently PainKiller (where is my aspirin?), Halo(Halo 2 sucks too), and what not... The FPS community has become a joke. Rocketlaunchers, headshots, terrorists, counterterrorists, megahealth, machineguns, Grenades, aliens etc... Are you serious? You know what the sad part is? You are... Yes my dear FPS esport community you have taken yourself way too seriously. Time to lighten up.
I am not talking about pro-gaming/pro-esports, hey I am all for the professional teams, with the;
professional players,
professional organizations,
professional cheerleaders (or maybe not sounded good though).
Yes professional is good, professional is the future. But why do these professionals (at the moment most are pseudo-professionals) have to play the same shitty games. No really I am not kidding. All FPS games that are being played on a competitive level are all so similar. You would think that the developers behind the games all come from one and the same inbred incestuous family (well most of us all derive from Genghis Khan, actually nevermind). If you think about it, its all more or less the same recycled crap (same arsenal, similiar monsters/aliens, similiar settings). Only differrence each year the graphics improve. WooHOO! As if TSN reporters when covering a FPS duell like to stress how well the rocket flying over a puddle with riveting waves which defract/reflect the light as in real life which was fired by Voo, was reflected in full splendor with exhaust fumes trailing the rocket causing the backgroud to appear blurry in zYz`s virtual sunglasses before explodingin his face. Get my point?
Well, soon my friends there will be salvation!!!
-Yes, not Kidding!!!
the answer:
a Squirrel!
YES, a squirrel will come and rejuvenate the FPS games, and bring new live to esports! I am talking about no other game than:
"Conkers: Live & Reloaded"
"Conker who? Conker what?" I hear you say.
Well before I continue, I ask you to watch this little preview movie
Watch it
Think about it! You just cannot go wrong with a Teddy Bears vs. Squirrels deathmatch. If this game does not launch esports into new echelons than I don't know which one will. It will appeal to all demographics.
Kids
What kids don't like little fuzzy cute furballs?
boys/Men
Hey the game has rocketlaunchers and other cool manly butch weapons, and their is plenty of ingame beer and profanity
girls/women
They think like kids, and will like the little furballs. I bet if they could they would prefer Conker as their new boyfriend!
Parents (adults)
Parents will look at the package thinking they bought their kid some MArio clone. Teddy bears, foxes, and squirrels are not dangerous. Even if they find out the truth, they will still warm up to the fuzzballs. Even the parents wont be able to link this game as a source of cause of a tragedy like columbine, or some other real life tragedy.
Media (TV)
ITs teddy bears vs. squirrels!!! I mean whats dangerous about that? The(FCC) Federal Communications Commission wont be able to complain about it! I doubt they would have a chance in court.
The way I see it, Conker: Live & Reloaded is here to come and rule the esport world as "The ESPORT GAME".
Who cares its xbox, who cares if the game is not even finished. Hey CPL gambles on Source and we all know how crappy that is, so why dear tournament hosters, do you not gamble on Conker? The way I see it, its the best chance esports has!
The moral of the story
The problem with most FPS in the esports domain is not one of gameplay, but one of game content. If we can remove/replace certain elements of some of th FPS games then we are more likely to see more coverage of the events in the traditional media outlets (TV/Radio/Print). This would make it more interesting to sponsors, and possibly increase the fan base. Which results in more money being put into esports. The question is, can the core community let itself go from some of the content, and still appreciate the skill required between 2 duellers, even if it means watching a FPS based possibly in something like the "Mario universe". (I always wondered who would win a mario vs Luigi deathmatch showdown)
Links | Conker: Live and Reloaded
I am not talking about pro-gaming/pro-esports, hey I am all for the professional teams, with the;
professional players,
professional organizations,
professional cheerleaders (or maybe not sounded good though).
Yes professional is good, professional is the future. But why do these professionals (at the moment most are pseudo-professionals) have to play the same shitty games. No really I am not kidding. All FPS games that are being played on a competitive level are all so similar. You would think that the developers behind the games all come from one and the same inbred incestuous family (well most of us all derive from Genghis Khan, actually nevermind). If you think about it, its all more or less the same recycled crap (same arsenal, similiar monsters/aliens, similiar settings). Only differrence each year the graphics improve. WooHOO! As if TSN reporters when covering a FPS duell like to stress how well the rocket flying over a puddle with riveting waves which defract/reflect the light as in real life which was fired by Voo, was reflected in full splendor with exhaust fumes trailing the rocket causing the backgroud to appear blurry in zYz`s virtual sunglasses before explodingin his face. Get my point?
Well, soon my friends there will be salvation!!!
-Yes, not Kidding!!!
the answer:
a Squirrel!
YES, a squirrel will come and rejuvenate the FPS games, and bring new live to esports! I am talking about no other game than:
"Conkers: Live & Reloaded"
"Conker who? Conker what?" I hear you say.
Well before I continue, I ask you to watch this little preview movie
Watch it
Think about it! You just cannot go wrong with a Teddy Bears vs. Squirrels deathmatch. If this game does not launch esports into new echelons than I don't know which one will. It will appeal to all demographics.
Kids
What kids don't like little fuzzy cute furballs?
boys/Men
Hey the game has rocketlaunchers and other cool manly butch weapons, and their is plenty of ingame beer and profanity
girls/women
They think like kids, and will like the little furballs. I bet if they could they would prefer Conker as their new boyfriend!
Parents (adults)
Parents will look at the package thinking they bought their kid some MArio clone. Teddy bears, foxes, and squirrels are not dangerous. Even if they find out the truth, they will still warm up to the fuzzballs. Even the parents wont be able to link this game as a source of cause of a tragedy like columbine, or some other real life tragedy.
Media (TV)
ITs teddy bears vs. squirrels!!! I mean whats dangerous about that? The(FCC) Federal Communications Commission wont be able to complain about it! I doubt they would have a chance in court.
The way I see it, Conker: Live & Reloaded is here to come and rule the esport world as "The ESPORT GAME".
Who cares its xbox, who cares if the game is not even finished. Hey CPL gambles on Source and we all know how crappy that is, so why dear tournament hosters, do you not gamble on Conker? The way I see it, its the best chance esports has!
The moral of the story
The problem with most FPS in the esports domain is not one of gameplay, but one of game content. If we can remove/replace certain elements of some of th FPS games then we are more likely to see more coverage of the events in the traditional media outlets (TV/Radio/Print). This would make it more interesting to sponsors, and possibly increase the fan base. Which results in more money being put into esports. The question is, can the core community let itself go from some of the content, and still appreciate the skill required between 2 duellers, even if it means watching a FPS based possibly in something like the "Mario universe". (I always wondered who would win a mario vs Luigi deathmatch showdown)
Links | Conker: Live and Reloaded
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Edited by Sm@ck at 11:56 GMT, 30th Jan 2005 - 4754 Hits
