Greetings, good people of ESRealty!
Do we have a crisis of community? When have we not? Some were humourous and epic like Entry 36 and raging Ziff Ifricans protecting their leaders, or Popegate 2005, or POLOS IS RULEZ))), some less so like the exodus of semi-literate cuntards from the QuakeLive forums (Yokoumono, Raythenoob and also that fat cross-eyed Puerto Rican dude fixated on "tierslummers", but I see the Latest Comment section oversaturated with low quality bait threads.It may look like a decline in quality, but low quality bait has always been here, the only difference to now is that Lady Iustitia's scales both were weighted in both "funny shit" and "shit shit", and now the ratio is much different.
Let us have a look at people who have been contributing decent humourous content round here over the past decade or more, I won't go back further than 08, since it was before my time (those few years were wasted on smaller, shittier quake mods that were like tiny redneck villages) so I'll miss out people like way2ez4gtv or Aaron, I have never met them personally so as a newfag am not allowed to unrespect or taint the names of those I do not personally know. Roll call? ROLL CALL
Jonesy? Chased out when someone who was a user admin for 2 weeks and whose only contribution was creating an Admin thread "lol let's ban Jonesy", which caused me to rage-quit ESR.
Madbringer? our moon cycles are not syncrhonised, meaning we come across each other on steam once every 3-4 months on steam, also long gone
Liam, 8bitLoby, Tom and other assorted Lobstarz? the claw is gone and forgotten ==C
becks? Was sacrificed to the oil and gas document controller gods (I escaped)
melechesh? is here, but probably lurking.
funnyB? He got increasingly eccentric with tattoos, is now smurfing on steam but has 5 contacts on there and does not respond at all. I checked out discord briefly last year, PMd him some racial epithets but he either was offline or had PMs disabled.
Please light these surplus Polish candles left over from when the last ever Pope died in 2005 for their peace among the ferry ride on the river Styx with Charon (if completely lost interest in videogames), or for their safe return: [*]
Who is here, who has taken their reigns as someone to create decent, quality content? Is oke, their valid and noble replacement is God of Pederasty Sanchez (how is he still here, I remember banning his second alias on the forums like almost 10 years ago?). And I also recognise zhu from the "latest createst journals". Not worthy substitutes, certainly not for the monoliths of awesomeness listed in the roll call above.
But all is not well! He is a low quality poster with a horrendous sense of humour, his only worthy trait being his persistence. if you've ever been to a small village in the Balkans (any place with less than 100000 inhabitants, examples include Pula in Croatia, Buzau in Romania, Bor in Serbia, Prishtina in Serbia, Pernik in Bulgaria, Slovenia in Slovenia... or you could name any location bar the capital city in Macedonia, Montenegro or Albania), perhaps you have relatives there or you are just a cosmopolitan tourist with a penchant for travel. In the city of the comparable size I mention, every street would have this sort of callous late middle-aged or old man. You know the type, grey hair, grizzled face shaven once every 4-5 days, breath like sour apples due to latent alcoholism, and a whiff of urine in his track pants for the same reason. He spends his days creating arguments with anybody who has the misfortune of coming across his path, for no reason whatsoever. If there is no reason, he shall just guide his righteous anger in any general direction, your dog barks too loud, everyone parked your car in the wrong place (this place is his, who cares that he has no car and has never driven!), people older than him are senile idiots, while the youth is all morally fucked up (every young woman is a whore and a prostitute, every young man is a bandit meathead drug addict), and oh how he longs for the good old days under Tito (Hoxha, Caucescu, delete the non-applicable), and how he'd show them all, oh they would march single file to the nearest Re-Education Camp, Rape Bunker or Gulag, hands behind their back, and show them what's what (with the strength of the entire Secret Bolis behind his wrath!). Why am I bringing up this fictional old man, who despite his personal fictionality is still a very realistic stereotype? Well ecause he is Sanchez' Spirit Animal! You can notice the same thinking process behind every idiotic post...
Let's take a look at his gaming ability and delusions of divinity. He talks game like a proheim, but I don't think he follows it up with action, shaft aim shaking like Parkinson's and railgun lazery that can be beaten by anybody. Jamerio had good railgun lazery, he may not have done great at that LAN, but he is a legit FFA monster, even giving legendary champions like cooller a run for their money (who in fact once briefly retired due to shame of not being to keep up with Jam-Jam, and even twogeedee bows down to Jamerio's prowess as a game producer -
Maybe it's just an attempt to be funny without any knowledge of humour theory or subconscious understanding of what makes things funny, but I have a bolder theory. You see, there's no delusion of divinity and his nickname is just "Of War Sanchez" and he's in fact a she from the famous Girls of Death quake (notable alumni include fox's significant other and the mother to his two children, trito as well as Liefje, Missy and Ms X... other names I do not remember, but for sure there were others! No need to kneel before God (Pantheons, elder gods or even lesser gods. It would explain why a God Of War is not even majestic or divine enough to be a Lesser Demon of Innocent Mischief.
Still, it is only just a theory and could even be wrong, and his/her/xir/their/its gender matters not. What DOES matter is that Sanchez=not awesome, and perhaps uses image editing software and fake in-game bots to make him look more proficient than he is. Perhaps you may ask for proofs. It is oke, for I have anticipated this, and looked through old, old, OLD screenshots, and have found the following:
The year was 2011, the evening was young, the alcohol flowing freely, (at least in the shit-shack I was renting in Albany Park, London at the time), and the game was Challenged PoorMode Arena.
This is exhibit A, and is a cause of ultimate shame, the sort of shit that the narrow-eyed Island Chinamen of Nippon invented Harakiri and Seppuku for. But that's not all! A few years back, memphis (Galician (Iberian, not Pole-Ukrainian Galicia)), a close friend of mine, and one of the many reasons me and a few others ventured into CPM. I sucked (still did, and it has gotten worse due to years of inactivity), but my first non-chaperoned ventures into duelling were against has3 (awesome personality), and even worse, Hal_9000 (awesome personality, both of whom wiped the floor with me, along the tune of 70+ frag deficits. Even more amazingly, they then went on to play each other, and as expected for HAL when playing against experienced opponents, he did not hold back, the soul of Paul Dirac was summoned and has3 lost by 50+ frags as well. I told Memph once back on IRC and his conclusion was as this: "that's the awesome thing about CPMA, there are echelons upon echelons of skill levels, each one capable of doing this much and worse to the echelon below them. And when you get to the very top, this sort of scoreline can happen between 2 equally skilled opponents, ba
Keep that all in mind as you view Exhibit B, a game which followed the previous screenshot:
Not only "Sanchez" got blown the fuck out by a 67 frags, but this alleged champion (as the Grant's whiskey and THC merrily took hold of his bloodstream) got beaten by a previously unknown behemoth! That's a 130 frag deficit he'd need to train for, and had there been someone a level above that, such as a snapcase, an eThaD or a Lunokhod, the progression would rise arithmetically!
Clearly discouraged, our hero just broodingly removed her/himself to the empty servers of the already Quake4, for this level of weak bait would not fool anyone in CPM... ggnore infidel better start training Quake 4 instagib skills instead.
There's also zhu but I don't remember much except that he got banned once, and had an aura of self-smug attention whoring. Lithz also got banned for cheating, but he shrugged off, went to master movement in defrag and didn't he play a LAN once in QukeChempions? It was a different game to the one he got banned from, and a different discipline. I am sure spectators mocked him but who cares, he performed at a LAN. Zhu, if you were a bit smarter and more charismatic, that could have been you. Also I just realised while writing, I can't pronounce your nick without giggling, because of this song by Russian Gommies from the Underwater town of St Petersburg. To top the journal off, hereby I present Leningrad ft. GlitchGoat (some annoying pop music chick with no actual singing ability, which doesn't affect this song much):
Ceterum censeo Excessiveminus esse delendam.
Edited by ShadyVoltaire at 22:20 BST, 10 June 2019 - 14141 Hits