This is to the 24/7 dm6 CA north american pubbers
God bless you... may your public games be strong.

Anyways, I haven't played Quake in some time now. I consider this a huge accomplishment and I don't plan on ever playing video games. I started with TF2 and the pickups and the community at the start was AMAZING! I remember I would play over 100+ pickups on and even a couple pickups on #mpuk or whatever it was called, when the gathers just were inactive. I would play with 100 ping and I didnt care a bit. I even met the likes of Oggy and nvc when I had played with the UK people and I had the pathetic nvc on my friend's list on steam and I removed him before lvl^ was just a little clan page on steam and not a full-blown media station for esports broadcasting and nvc playing FFA against noobs and dueling noobs (lmao).

It's funny how much you evolve the more you seek to play competitive games. You start thinking pubs are a joke. I remember I had a good friend in TF2 that I sadly am no longer friends with. This guy was playing CAL and CEVO, and I watched him go ESEA-pro before I even knew what was going on. How did he do it? I remember I had no idea what a pickup was... I wondered why my friend wouldn't mindlessly go to our pub server and pub stomp with me, but then I realized the magic of pickups. That through pickups magic happens, and I discovered GotFrag, and frag movies, and eventually, all that spam on the day the queue was implemented and Quake live went open beta, I was waiting in queue to see why carnage and all sorts of people were talking about this and waiting in queue.

I was thoroughly disappointed. I wasted years at a time just playing ammomod, BBALL, and I tinkered occasionally in my first DM game, Half-Life 2: Deathmatch were I played on the CAL open ladders for 1v1. It had movement that could go so advanced some of you die hard FPS fans would cringe. I still can't do the crazy strafes and jump maps some guys like 0nti can:
I never could finish the last jump on that map.

I remember when I was a newbie I'd chill with a guy Geier from HCC on Hl2DM and I only mention it because it was funny, I noticed a guy on Quake Live whose name was the same, and whose bio said "from hl2dm" and lo and behold it was the same guy! The funny thing was, this guy, he knew how to steal all the health and armor shards and how to revolver like no one else and to move like no one else. His movement was pretty good for someone who just recently got into the game, but there was something sad about me being able to beat him and not marginally with little to no effort in Quake Live. It's just a whole different ballpark and a whole different game. This guy, he could go 120 points and not die a single time in HL2dm free for all and bunkers against people with good aim and he could 1v1 insanely good, I can't doubt his skill, but in Quake... he was garbage. It made me sad. I even went easy a couple times and gave him some pity wins...and I thought maybe it was better I didn't disclose my identity because I could tell he was more than a little annoyed.

But TF2, it made it impossible for me to enjoy pubbing, and as a newbie, you can't see what's wrong with 24/7 instant spawn 2fort but after a while you realize the whole thing is a stupid gimmick. The idea of the instant spawning and the idea of this stupid 32 server sized terribly outdated map. But then, pickups became impossible. I just wanted to scrim. Pickups also became unbearable because people would go out of their way to ruin them. Before I knew it, was dead and 550 or Cinq I think as he prefers to be called or WHATEVER THE FUCK HIS NAME IS, I can't be arsed to go snoop around for it, started or whatever the channel was called. Honestly, gathers just were so much more fun and I didn't like the idea of a captain each time, it was more fun to have random teams and I actually thought random teams were more balanced. It was also harder to play the class you wanted, the more known people would of course get their best class and you would have to play that dreaded medic. That's why medic's eventually became the designated captain's. First one to add, medic, and captain. But anyways, gathers and PUBS became unbearable... so what was bearable? I only found fun through scrimming casually. I joined a TWL ladder but I honestly felt too good to be in the league I was and on the team I was. I tried to surround myself with people who were good and I had a friends list of people that finally seemed amazing. I was able to land on a good team for a week before they said I was a shitty roaming soldier and went looking for another. I spent some time with some goons that people were knew were pretty good, I think focker and Tom were the names i recollect, and I had a really good time. When no one wanted to play with me anymore, it kind of made me angry and sad, I couldnt scrim anymore because I wasn't good enough but I also couldn't ring anymore because no one wanted me as a ringer because I had become known as that "baddie." I don't think I even was that bad... Before I knew it, I was playing pickups again.

During the summer, something about Quake had me want to play it again. I think it was the videos and just the fast pace of the game. I gave it another try, my first try, I hated it of course, I mean I gave it a week, and waiting a week in queue wasn't worth it honestly. I didn't like the game. Coming back... I fell in love with it. I couldn't play TF2. I couldn't play CSS. I couldn't play ProMode Cod4, and yes there is a Cod4 with no perks and gayness and actual skill that some people are unaware of on the PC. The only game I liked was Quake for the next two years. And it's gotten worse. Not only do I hate Quake Live. I think I don't really like CPMA all that much either anymore. And the question is, what do I like? Quakeworld is the answer. But quakeworld isn't the answer. I've become so infatuated with finding tougher and tougher competition that I've made myself hate what was once a beautiful thing for me. I don't like video games anymore, period. And who am I to blame? Myself? The community? Esports in general? I think you just reach a certain age where it's time to move on. I'm sure not everyone reaches it and I'm sure some of you will never reach it, but I just don't find them fun or enjoyable anymore, I see a screen and boring images... I can't find it stimulating in the least.

I bought Skyrim. I played it less than an hour. AND I HATE IT. I loved Morrowind, but I hated oblivion. I don't see the point to Skyrim. I feel like everything I do in that game is pointless and the story doesn't even motivate me whatsoever. . . are any games not boring and uninspiring out there? Is there anything fun to play ? What do we really have left? And the lot of you might think, oh this is that troll "daniel`" talking, but I'm for reals. I think my psychological state is a testament to the game developers all over the world, that something isn't going on right around here, that something doesn't smell right, and doesn't look right, and I know what the problem is:
1) money
2) education

The first, more people want it, and the second is failing as an institute. Kid's are ridiculous nowadays, and they constantly want what they don't need. I know I'm generalizing but if people could fix these two things maybe we would get decent games that are actually cheap and not $50-60 and we would get games that are deep and intellectual...

But what do I know.. I have less than sixteen hours to leave ESR.