i've played ql for a couple years now. i think i picked it up after the beta period, and have played somewhat regularly for a few month chunks, with 3-6 month quitting breaks in between (netcode annoyances, cheater-population-density-paranoia annoyances, etc.) this summer, i quit my dead-end-full-time-desk-job at an engineering firm and started a part-time job at a hotel to give myself some time to figure out some different options. one of the things i wanted to focus on over the summer was really dedicating myself to practicing ql. i wanted to see how far i could push myself with some dedicated practice and effort.

one of my first achievements this summer was to finish lane 6 in raztrainql_beta3. i was really concerned about my movement speed and circle jumping in ql, and though it still isn't as consistent as it could be, the experience of finishing lane 7 exposed me to how much my gameplay was suffering due to some very basic movement ignorance and inability. after beating lane 7, i pretty much gave up on the raztrainql_beta3 training, as halfbeat strafing doesn't really make itself too necessary in duel. however, i'm setting aside some time to spend practicing on raztrain with the speedometer up, just so i have that connection between mouse angle and speed reinforced sometimes.

my second achievement was legitimately beating tyryl, even though he was fucked up on drugs, and his play is extremely inconsistent when he's like that. i consider tyryl to be very close to top tier when he's focused and sober, putting him slightly below zero4 and dkt. however, when he's fucked up, he's probably around an 1800 elo player, so it still doesn't top the players on my 'top 5 defeated' list on qlranks. even so, i think this achievement served as battering ram against the well-fortified gates protecting a part of my brain that tells me that i'm not good enough to really do well in this game.

unfortunately, i played a few guys (xdbs and taskmaster [who explained that the reason he's so great is because he's 'boots', whatever that's supposed to mean] come to mind), who have pretty young accounts, and as i watched them accelerate to the upper-middle-class of the north american scene, my desire wilted, and with that wilting came about the somewhat persistent negative outlook i am susceptible to. i started recognizing all the times i was shot behind walls, all the times the lg damage output from my opponent was too high to make sense, all the times my shots missed, all the games that my experience just seemed off and sluggish, and i convinced myself that i didn't want to play anymore.

i had managed to peak at 1560 elo, 40 shy of my goal to break 1600 by the end of june.

so i picked up cs:go, and i've been thoroughly enjoying it, since because cs:s was so terrible i thought i'd never get to experience cs again without playing 1.6 (which looks and feels awful anymore).

but quakecon rolled around, and i started to feel a bit of inspiration. zero4's point about not quitting a hobby was rattling in my head, but i kept fighting it by pretending that cs:go would fill the void i felt by not playing ql. i tried to play q3, but there is nobody to play against. i have no desire to play cpm. i weaseled my way back into ql, bound "cvaradd net_port 1; net_restart" to n, and started playing again. i've lost a lot of games, some frustrating to lose, noticing that sluggish feeling, the delayed lg hitbeeps, the missing rails, the bursts of insane lg damage, etc., and i've decided that i'll just let it go and deal with the losses.

right now i'm sitting at 1640 elo. i was even streaming the games i played when i did it. i know i'll drop again, i understand the wild peaks and valleys that come from being an inconsistent amateur, but i reached that point by playing against decent players, not through 600 +1 elo duels against new 1200 elo accounts.

i've been an esr user for a fucking long time. i've been active for about half that time. i haven't really played many pc games over all the time, maybe about 6 or 7 months of warsow before the past couple years of ql, and before that, about 13 years ago, i played ra3/cpma for about 6 months, messed around with random vq3 duels with tyryl and some friends from irc, but mostly played cs1.6 for about 2 years. i couldn't even get 125fps in q3 back in the day.

i'm 30 years old, and i'm posting a public journal about beating some kids at a video game. meh, whatever. who else am i gonna share it with? nobody else in the world plays this shit. my wife could only possibly patronize me in response to my expression of elation at my video game skill.