The essential guide.
So far I have:
Make them constantly count to 25 and 35 until they are able to keep track of 5 separate times simultaneously.
Constantly reinforce the importance of positioning, e.g. when they wake up in the morning, explain to them that getting out of the bed on the left side puts them out of position to be first to the bathroom (dumbass).
Any missteps should be punished with verbal and/or physical abuse.
Randomly wait for them around a corner and scare them. Do this until they are impervious to surprise. Do this often.
Throw random objects in their path when they are outside playing in the yard to trip them up. This reinforces the value of spam avoidance.
Hand-eye coordination exercises. With fire.
During certain hours of the day the living room rug becomes lava. Stepping on it results in a rendezvous with the "lava paddle" or a 10 minute stay in the "lava shed."
Place items around the house in pre-set positions and make them collect them as fast as possible.
Let them become accustomed to a pattern and then break it. For instance, hug them every day for a month when they come home from school. After a month is completed, when they are running up from the school bus, feign a hug motion but instead punch them in the gut. This teaches them to "think like the enemy."