A STUDY CONDUCTED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA AMONG 10 MALE GAMERS SHOWS A CORRELATION BETWEEN ANGER AND MALE PATTERN BALDNESS. THE SUBJECTS WERE EXPOSED TO 10 MINUTE DUELS WITH CURRENT QUAKE 3 CPMA NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION MICHAEL 'VORPAL' HALL. EIGHT OF THE TEN SUBJECTS DEMONSTRATED INTENSE FITS OF ANGER WHILE PLAYING. ONE SUBJECT KNOWN AS SANDER 'VO0' KASJAAGER EVEN WENT AS FAR AS TO THROW A CHAIR IN THE TEST ROOM.

OF THE EIGHT PLAYERS WHO WERE PRONE TO FITS OF ANGER WHILE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, SIX OF THEM WERE ALREADY SHOWING SIGNS OF EARLY ONSET MALE PATTERN BALDNESS. MORE RESEARCH IS TO BE DONE ON THIS SUBJECT IN THE FOLLOWING WEEKS, HOWEVER THE SCIENTISTS ARE VERY CERTAIN THAT THE RESULTS WILL STILL BE CONCLUSIVE EVEN ON A LARGE LEVEL. DR. LIONEL RICHIE COMMENTED "THOSE FUCKING NERDS BETTER WATCH THEIR TEMPER, OR ELSE THEY ARE GOING TO END UP EVEN MORE FUCK UGLY AND PATHETIC THAN THEY ALREADY ARE."

THE FOLLOWING PICTURE IS A DOCUMENTATION ON THE PLAYER SANDER "VO0" KASJAAGER'S MALE PATTERN BALDNESS. THE RESULTS ARE SHOCKINGLY CONCLUSIVE.

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