Popular Reddit thread with very many posts
Here are some of my favorite.
"I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that."
"Why are you crying?
What bad man?
"There." Points behind me at a dark corner of the room
Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look.
She slept in our bed that night"
"My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say 'hi' to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi"
One day, it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die"
So I say to her "What's that you're saying?"
And she turns to face me and just whispers "Diiiieeeeeee......."
"I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time its good bye."
Had to check on him a few times to make sure he was still there."
"I don't have kids, but once, visiting some friends on a farm, my buddy's youngest girl (5 or 6) at the time, was afraid of the chickens. I tried to explain to her that the chickens weren't there to hurt us but she wasn't having it.
So I'm sitting around the fire pit, looking at one of the chickens a few feet in front of me when I feel hot breath in my ear as she whispers:
"See. He's always watching."
Horrific and hysterical all at once."
"Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied "Oh, nobody 'scroofs' me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I'm here." She said this like it was nothing."